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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29753637">After the War</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RPGwrites/pseuds/RPGwrites'>RPGwrites</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Choices [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Depression, F/M, Post-Canon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 22:55:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,034</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29753637</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RPGwrites/pseuds/RPGwrites</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The reapers have been defeated. All is good and well, right? That doesn't explain the sadness and emptiness in Shepard's heart. The price of winning was too high.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Choices [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1867495</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>After the War</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/LJANdersen/gifts">LJANdersen</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Happy birthday to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/LJANdersen/pseuds/LJANdersen"> LJANdersen </a>. I hope you have an amazing day. I decided to write you a little something for your birthday. Thank you so much for your friendship. It's been an honour meeting you and being your friend. You're such an amazing person. </p><p>Anyone who hasn't read her work go and check it out! Such an amazing author and defnitely one of my favourite. </p><p>A huge shoutout to my dear friend <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ripley95"> Ripley95 </a> who not only offered to beta this fic but also encouraged me. This fic wouldn't be possible without your support and help. Thank you for cheering me on.</p><p>This was taken from a prompt. </p><p>Prompt:<br/>“You can’t just act like nothings wrong when it isn’t!”</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The war was over but at what cost? So many dead. So many lives were lost. Battles were lost. But the enemy was gone so it was all worth it, right? Nobody died for nothing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yet, it didn't feel like enough. Thane. Legion. Anderson. Friends. People Shepard cared about. They were all gone while Shepard was here. Why? She wished she had the answers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were good people. People that were taken from this world too soon. It didn't sit well with her. And it shouldn't sit right with the world either. Yet, the world just went on like those people's lives didn't matter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shepard promised herself she would never forget those people. Not only her friends who died in the war but the people who sacrificed themself for the greater good. So other people could fight for tomorrow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nothing is alright. But Shepard had to keep going. Just because the reapers left, it didn't mean that all the Galaxy's problems left with them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It's been months. Months Shepard has been in recovery. Months Shepard tried not to speak about the things they had to do to win. Months she didn't speak about those who died. Months she saw the worried glances Kaidan gave her. But she ignored it all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm fine," she continued to lie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>By this time it was an easy lie. It came almost too easy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed. He always sighed. And she always knew what that meant. He wasn't convinced. But he never asked either. Usually he would have, but this time he knew better. Perhaps he knew she needed some time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He kept helping her with her injuries. She was thankful. She needed the help, she knew. But it was a frustrating process. Shepard wanted to be able to do things on her own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then the morning came that she was evaluated. She dreaded it. It made Anderson's death more real. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaidan didn't say anything. He didn't need to say something. The silence was enough. It spoke lengths loud enough for anyone to hear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anderson's death never felt so real. Not when she said goodbye to the fallen. Not even at his funeral. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shepard gave Kaidan a sad smile as she left. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Shepard passed her evaluation. She should've been happy. But her heart couldn't let her be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anderson wasn't here. Thane wasn't here. Legion wasn't here. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she could get back to work. She had something to help her forget. Most of all, she had something to help get her hands busy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I got it." She told Kaidan. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A long pause passed between them. "You don't seem happy."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I am. Just tired."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaidan sighed. Was this the part where he had enough? Where he couldn't take this atmosphere anymore? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You can’t just act like nothing’s wrong when it isn’t."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Woah." That came out of nowhere. She didn't expect that. "What does that mean?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You're going on as if everything is okay. But it’s not Shepard."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was on her lips. She was about to tell him that everything </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>okay. But even she couldn't deny that. So she sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shepard gave him a sad smile, "You're right."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm...right?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah," she admitted sheepishly. "Hell, a lot has happened." She avoided his gaze. "Nothing will be alright."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey, don't say that." He took her arms and squeezed. It was meant to be in support but that didn't feel like it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Everything is falling apart."</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>The next few weeks Shepard was different. It was as if their conversation had the opposite effect that Kaidan had hoped for. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was more depressed, sad, and refused to talk over what had happened. Kaidan had no idea what went wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Shepard," he tried again, "Don't you want to try and talk to someone about this?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"About what?" She tried innocently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Shepard." He tilted his head and gave her one of his looks. He had hoped that would work but of course it didn't. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You need help."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then she knew exactly what he talked about. They always talked into that direction when they addressed her depression. But Shepard was also sick of trying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm not trying more pills, they don't work."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know," he sighed. "But talking helps."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was when Shepard gave one of her looks. "No it doesn't. I tried it all, Kaidan. Nothing helps."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"At least try."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She narrowed her eyes at that. That was the wrong thing to say. "Don't you think I'm doing that. I'm doing my damn best here Kaidan. You're the one refusing to see it."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Go to Chakwas. She can help."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shepard gave a dark chuckle at that, "You know I already tried. There's no helping me."</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>"I don't know what to do," Kaidan admitted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>James sighed, "She's refusing she has a problem again?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaidan shook his head, "It's not that. She says there's no helping her. She's tired of trying."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well you can't blame her. You saw how antidepressants made her. You can't blame her for not wanting to go back on them."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't…" He stopped. What could he say? "I don't know what to say." He took a seat instead. "I just want to help her."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We all want that," James said, "You just need to be patient with her. Be there for her. And if you need us, call us. All of us want to help."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So much has happened. The war has left so many scars. These scars will never fully heal." </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>"Shepard."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't want to hear it, Kaidan."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Just hear me out," he tried. "You need help."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm fine."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You're not and you know it. Just go to Chakwas. I'll go with you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She narrowed her eyes. "We all lost people, Kaidan. All of us."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So let's support each other."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shepard sighed, "You won't let this go, will you?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gave her a smile, "I only care for you."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She frowned. "I don't know what's wrong with me. What if we never find out?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He squeezed her hand, "It'll be okay. I promise."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't want to lose more people. With so much unrest with everyone there might be another war. We don't know for sure."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"But we'll have each other. And that's a promise we can keep." </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Feel free to come and say hi on <a href="https://rpgwrites.tumblr.com/"> Tumblr </a>.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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